Monday, March 30, 2015

Arrangements Month -4

One month after my 27th birthday, at the end of March, was the day our wedding date settled. It was clear sailing for the baby!
Or it would have been… I started to make my `to do` list. I wanted to have a perfect situation for my child, just like I learned from the television doctors.
I went to the hospital and let checked my heart. As a child, I was seen by a doctor every year, because they diagnosed something with my heart, but I did not show up at the hospital until I was 18. I went to the cardiologist – and they could not find anything. I had outgrown it! So, they said I wouldn’t have a heart attack during the birth.
I went to my dentist as well and let him to make a bridge. Although he wanted to do it earlier, I always postponed it. But now, the time was ready for it: I knew, that the teeth of a pregnant woman can go wonky. And I didn’t want to risk to have analgesic injections when my baby is in my belly.
I really thought to myself: I am an adult person, but in fact, I was only a child. I was so floating above the earth because of my looking forward, because of everything, what the next year would bring me, that I could not hold in what we are going to do. I told my dentist, a young man, why I came to him. In the next years, when I was expecting the stork without avail, I did not dare, to visit my dentist. Earlier, I was the perfect patient, who plays brave to the doctors. But now, I did not want him to see me as a naïve child.

But I couldn`t see the future in that August. When we went to the Sziget Festival, I felt really nostalgic and told to myself:” That’s the last time that I am here as a young woman without kids.” Rock concerts, alcohol, dust, booze – this all will be next year a part of my past, and I wouldn’t miss it!

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

BEFORE I GOT PREGNANT - 6 IUIs, 2 IVFs and 2 beautiful lines (Prologue)

When I was a teenager, I really hated kids. My mother had worked as a kindergarten teacher, and usually, when I visited her at her workplace, I immediately got a headache because of the noise there and the toddling of toddlers. I realized, that something always needed wiping one end or the other – and I found it all disgusting!
I changed my mind, when I was 19 years old, and I saw an advertisement in the newspaper. A school was looking for an assistant. I got the job and my task was mainly to do photocopies for the teachers and sometimes, when nobody else could go, I was allowed to be a substitute teacher. The school-children loved me, because my class for them usually meant me telling stories or playing games together.  I just fell in love with them.
Me and Ádám were a couple at this time,  we had  everything else but didn't have children on our minds. First of all, we wanted to grow up, to earn our degrees, to move to a flat with only the two of us…
Time went by, and one day I just realized, we already had all of these things.
Years seemed to fly by. I finished the teachers training college and began to work as a teacher. We had a flat and I thought to myself, we don’t have a reason for waiting longer.
And then, Ádám  turned out to think in another way about child rearing and marriage. I told to myself, to give him a year, and I went to a course to learn sewing. Alright, maybe I would be never a dressmaker, but I would be able to sew nice clothes for myself and for my children. Later, I even had enough time to learn a little bit of fashion design. I began to realize, the life of designers is not as perfect as in a muesli advertisement. So I don’t regret, that I didn’t have the courage, to apply for admission to the art school after finishing the high school. I really tried to see the positive side of things. I still didn’t know, that I would still have plenty of time waiting for the stork, to do a course for film text translation and to learn English, and  to work as a film translator and to start studying  at a University and to write a novel…
I didn’t have a clue. I was just a snow-white lamb. I was undismayed at this time. Little did I know, a wife has only two ways: either she is an uncomplaining fairy or she is self-assertive, overbearing witch who stamps her husband`s will.
I just waited quietly, until Ádám decided, the time had come. It was not too late, after all. When I would give birth to our first child, I could have two others, even with a difference of 2 and a half years. 

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Series: Meeting Readers Of "BEFORE I GOT PREGNANT" - Book Seller Nr2, who got twins with IVF

I had this great idea: I should meet some of the book resellers  in Budapest and check, 
if they liked my story. 
I wanted to ask them: What was their story?

Book Seller Nr2, who got twins with IVF

I know from the email address, that contains a number, that looked like a birthday year, that she was 33 years old. I checked her profile, and saw, that she was not only sell my book, she had a lot of baby girl clothes to offer.
So, that time, I should meet a young woman, who maybe read my book, before she got pregnant, I hope so.
We have an appointment at daytime, for 1 pm. She wrote me, she would come with her twins. "Bingo", I said to myself.
I was few minutes early there too and checked all  the young mothers with baby buggies. I don't see any twin buggy.
Finally, a young woman came up, without babies, but with my book in her hand.
She had long dark hair and a nice coat.
"The twins went sleep", she told to me. While searching for money in my purse, I want to ask her the question: "Did you have had an infertility problem, is that why you read this book?"
But she was faster than me, and asked me: "Do you want to do IVF?"
I'm surprised from the question.
"Ehmm, yes, we have something to do with that?," I say. And then: "Did this book help you?"
"Ehmm, yes, sort of. It was good to know, that I was not the only one with this thoughts. There was somebody, who recommended this book to me. And I recommended it to some other people, later. Because you have so few people to talk to about it. Which clinic are you at?"
That's the point, where I have to make to confession: 
"That's my story. That's me here, in the photo."
Now, she was surprised.
We chatted about a half hour about our memories from our time as a woman with infertility problems. She had already had a son, when she wanted to get pregnant again, and she couldn't. But the first IVF gave them twins, They are 2 years old now.
"It was so hard! So many people, that have this problem, don't talk about it."
"Is this amount good?" I asked her as I offered.

"Yes, it is." She said. I asked her, if I could write about her story on my blog and gave her my blog address. She seemed to be interested. Her twins are 2 years old, but she didn't forget her years before. She says, she cried for happiness on the first birthday of her twins. She still had this feeling of having been part of a miracle.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Series: Meeting Readers Of "BEFORE I GOT PREGNANT" - Book Seller Nr1, who didn't read my story

I had this great idea: I should meet some of the book resellers  in Budapest and check, 
if they liked my story. 
I wanted to ask them: What was their story?

Book Seller Nr1, who didn't read my story

I arrived  too early at the meeting point. I took a little walk, looking at every young woman: "Maybe she is my book seller?" It was rainy and I had to take my umbrella, so they couldn't see my pink cap. I wrote in the email, that I would wear a pink cap.
I went back to the meeting point. I stood in the door of a big house, so I would  not get wet. A man came near, I wondered, if the woman would send her husband instead of herself. I wouldn't be happy about that case: I needed her to hear her story.
Did my book help her? Did she like my book?
The man walked  towards me . I was waiting. Some minutes later, a woman opened the house's door from the inside.
It's a 50 something woman.
"Are you waiting for a book?" She asks me.
"Yes, I am." I say. I'm surprised. I was waiting for a younger woman.
She is in her 50's, although in good shape with a pretty, unlined skin.
"It's really so cheap?" I asked her.
"Yes, like you read in the advertisement."
I give her the money. She tells me, that she was afraid, to come to late, because of the traffic on this rainy day Friday afternoon. She takes my book from a plastic bag. I don't take it, just look at it.
"I'm sure, there will be no pages missing." I explain.
"If it's so cheap, its worth it!" I say. "Have you read the book?" That was the question, that I was supposed to ask her.
"No." She tells me. "I started, but I couldn't do it. It's too hard, you know, this story for somebody, who doesn't have this problem in her life."
"Yeah, it's true." I said smiling. She watched to me, as she would be surprised by my laugh.
I give her the money, take my book and say "Good bye". She disappeared through the door.

So, the first meeting was not really as I expected. I couldn't ask the woman about her infertility experience. I could'nt tell you her success story. She thought from the Hungarian title that it would be a happy pregnancy story.When she realized it wasn’t she didn’t read it.
I could maybe feel angry or disappointment, because this woman only began to read my book, but she didn't really read it.

But you know, I don't judge her. Who knows? Would I like to read a story about infertility, full of pain and desperation, if I didn't have this problem? Would  I be interested if I didn't have a friend, or a sister, who had this situation? If I didn't have to know this experience, maybe I wouldn't want to know about it.